Ellen: As Herself
By John Polly
(Dallas Voice, Juni 2002)Our favorite goofy girl, Ellen DeGeneres, returns to Dallas to ‘Shoop’ it up and have a good time
Yep, she’s gay. And she’s funny, smart and one of the most successful comedians working today. And if you think back, way back — say about five years — you’ll remember a time when TV didn’t have a gay character in every time slot, when there was no Will & Grace, no Queer as Folk, no Six Feet Under, not even Sex and the City. Ellen DeGeneres changed all that in 1997 when she charged out of the closet on her eponymous sitcom, prompting a national firestorm of media scrutiny and a discussion about gay and lesbian issues the likes the country hadn’t really seen. And she won an Emmy in the process.
Now with a couple of films, another sitcom and a certain famously freaky ex behind her (call her crazy, please!), DeGeneres is back to doing what she loves the most: standing onstage, offering up her modestly quirky observations on life and cracking us up. She’s a bit older and wiser, living happily in L.A. with a new girlfriend (actress/photographer Alexandra Hedison), working to put together a new daytime talk show for 2003, and just happy to no longer be the newest gay kid on the block. On the occasion of her forthcoming Dallas concert at the Meyerson Symphony Center on Saturday, June 15, we chatted with the New Orleans-born wit about all matter of things — pet psychics and pet peeves, Eminem and Ozzy Osbourne, talk show patter and Divas Las Vegas, and about what it’s like to look back after a few years and have a good laugh.
Hello, Ellen. Hooray — you’re coming to Dallas!
“I am. I wasn’t going to, but at the last minute we put it on the schedule and now we’re like, ‘Oh, we don’t have enough time, this is crazy!’”Well, good. Every time you appear somewhere these days — on the Emmys or doing comedy — as soon as you hit the stage there’s raucous applause that just goes on and on. How does that make you feel?
“First of all — I don’t know what you’re talking about — but thank you! On this tour when I walk out there’s a lot of applause, but you know, they’ve come to see me — they’re obviously my fans — they’d better clap. Though sometimes I’m surprised — I’ll walk out and everybody’s clapping, and they’ll be one person with their arms folded just looking at me. . . And I’m like ‘What are you here for?’ But, it feels good — so that’s the answer. It feels really good. I highly recommend it. If you can get people to applaud when you walk in your office every day — and just tell them you’ll do it for them too, you’ll reciprocate — you should.”I think people are just happy to see you doing well, after all you’ve been through.
“It’s a combination of different things. People can sense that I’m in a really good, healthy place now. And I think that’s a relief. [laughs] I think there was a heaviness for awhile, and I had to go through it. And people are now like ‘Oh good, you’re just back to being funny and light.’”For a while you were carrying the burden for all gay people on your shoulders!
“Well, I took that on myself. And I didn’t have the gay rulebook on how to do it. I wish there had been some way for me to avoid some of the pitfalls, because it was hard. At that time, everything I said became magnified and important. I was trying to represent an entire community, and you can’t possibly please everyone. Some people thought I was not doing enough or just not gay enough, and I was like, ‘How much more gay can I be? This is the amount of gay that’s in me.’ [laughs] And some people obviously thought I was too gay and should just shut up. I had to figure it all out. I really felt like, ‘I’m going to save everyone! No one will say the word fag ever again in a high school. . .’ I really felt like I could do everything — and it was just really naïve. And the reason I got into this business is because I love making people laugh. I like being funny and being onstage. None of my humor was ever political, none of my humor was ever about sexuality — it was just silly, ridiculous stuff. After a while, I wanted to just go back to that, to just being funny again.”
Which brings us to this current tour?
“This tour is just about having a good time. On the tour before this one, I worried that people were coming for the wrong reasons, just because they’re gay and I’m gay, because I’m their leader. I want them coming because they get my sense of humor and because they want to laugh. This time around the audience is very mixed — it’s half-gay, it’s half-straight. It’s just a comedy concert. And after coming out I’ll always carry that with me — like this invisible banner that Miss U.S.A. always wears — it’s just around me all the time, ‘Gay.’ You know, ‘Miss Gay.’ I don’t think I can ever avoid walking in the room and people knowing that. And that’s fine! This tour is just a different show now, and people are coming for the right reasons.”Will you be rapping in this show — like on Divas Las Vegas?
“Well, it’s always been part of my act as a spoken word thing, and when I was hosting the Divas thing they told me that I had eight male dancers, and I thought, ‘Well I gotta take advantage of that! What the hell?’ So, yes — ‘Shoop’ is part of my show.”And the talk show you’re working on for next year — what’s that going to be like?
“I don’t know. You know, I’ve got a year. And there’s not much I can do to re-invent the wheel. It’s really going to be an hour of me. Whether I have Julia Roberts or Siegfried & Roy on, all I can do is add my personality to it. And having been a guest on these shows, there’s a difference in how you are when you’re on Letterman or with Leno or with Rosie. Each host brings out a different part of you, so hopefully I’ll be able to do that. I also want to have just average, regular people on that aren’t necessarily celebrities but have done interesting things. And how Rosie’s whole thing was children, I think mine will be animals. I will probably do everything I can inform people and educate people about protecting our animals.”Good. For a second I thought you were talking about just bringing random animals on the show, which seems dangerous.
“I don’t think I’m going to be interviewing animals. People would suddenly think I’m crazy, talking to dogs or something.”Isn’t there a pet psychic who does that?
“She came to my house! Sonya Fitzpatrick. Before her show started on Animal Planet we heard about her, and one of my cats was really, really sick and we had gone through all kinds of tests and he was just getting worse and worse, and I figured I had nothing to lose. I knew it seemed insane, but I thought, ‘Either she’s gonna help my cat feel better or at least I’ll have more material to talk about on my tour.’ And she is amazing! She learned things from my cat that there’s no way she could have known.”Is there a dream line-up of people you’d like to have on?
“Hmmm. . . Somebody from the Osbourne family, I’m sure. Not Ozzy, because I can’t understand him. I’d have to have an interpreter. I’d like to have Eminem on and have a little conversation with him, because I really do like his music. It’s a shame. He’s very talented and I don’t think he’s a bad guy. He’s had a hard, hard life. But I would like to have him on — not to chastise him — but to have a conversation. The only way to accomplish things is to talk with people.”Being such a role model with fans thanking you all the time — when do you get to be a meanie? If people are always, ‘Oh, Ellen — you’re fantastic!’ when do you get to vent or just go off?
“Well, I’m honestly, not like that. The only time is when. . . I’m a really impatient driver. I like driving fast, but if someone is driving slow in front of me I can’t honk or anything because I’ve actually started to do that, and to drive around people and give them this aggravated look, and then they go ‘Ellen!!!’ and wave and then I have to turn my aggravated face into ‘Oh — Hello!’ So, that’s the only time I get in trouble, when I’m driving. But I actually don’t have a temper, and I don’t really have those times that I need to yell at anybody. Sometimes when people are just plain stupid I get frustrated with them. And sometimes people think that because I’m friendly. . . Like, I don’t think Madonna gets bothered by strangers because you know Madonna’s gonna turn around and say, ‘Fuck off!’ Nobody’s going to bother her.”Do you and Melissa Etheridge and K.D. Lang all ever just get together and hang out and have a sort of super gay women’s club meeting?
“A lesbian diva thing? When there’s enough of us, we’ll have a concert, too! [laughs] Melissa and I see each other occasionally. I talk to K.D. once in a while. But there was a time that it was Rosie and Melissa and K.D. and I, and we’d just hang out. That was really an interesting time — before anybody came out. But we’ve all drifted apart a little.”Did Rosie ever call you for advice about coming out?
“No, I think she just studied what I did and learned what not to do. Every gay person did. I kind of gave them the guidelines of what not to do. Obviously she and I talked about it, and in some ways there was no need for her to do it, but I think that finally she wanted to help those kids and there was no turning back. But she did it the right way, though. Everybody has a different way to do it. I think it’s hard because you watch those interviews with Diane Sawyer and you listen to every single word, and as a gay person you’re wanting it to solve everything. It was the same as with me, you have so much pressure to say exactly the right thing and do it exactly the right way. I’m thrilled that Rosie did it, I wish that everybody could do it, because I think that every single time someone comes out it makes a difference. Especially when you have such high visibility it really helps changes things a lot. It helps people be treated better and with more respect, it helps kids in high school. So hopefully there will be more who’ll come out in whatever way they choose.”It must have been doubly difficult for you since you were in a relationship that was so heavily scrutinized. That can’t have made things any easier.
“It was a combination of a lot of things. There was so much around that that really made it a volatile situation. And I participated in it, I take responsibility for it. But I’m glad I did it exactly how I did it, because it’s all taken me to where I am now and I love where I am now. I’m really happy now — now that it’s beyond that and it’s just about me being a comedian.”And you’re involved in a good relationship now?
“Yeah, I’m very happy. And it’s. . . There’s nothing to say about it because I’m happy, so I don’t want to talk about it too much. I’ve learned that lesson! I really learned my lesson. I mean, it would be one thing to make a mistake but then to be stupid and keep repeating it, then you should all do something to me. I’m not sure what — slap me or something. Somebody should save me and say ‘Ellen — no!’”When’s the next chance we might see you in a skirt?
“Uh — never? Unless there’s a movie where I’m playing someone who gets paid a whole lot of money to wear a skirt. [laughs] It’s just not me. And, you know, I love the way they look. But I like being able to sit however I want. I don’t think it’s comfortable to have to worry about how you sit. Men wear skirts, and I don’t understand it. And it’s not that I have a problem with men wearing skirts, I just think, ‘Don’t you want to sit however you want?’ So, I haven’t worn a dress or a skirt in I don’t know how long.”Finally, any thoughts on Texas, or on the lesbian scene in Texas? Are the women here different than women elsewhere?
“Well, I lived in Atlanta, Texas. And I spent time in Dallas because it wasn’t that far. But I’ve never dated a lesbian from Texas. So. . . You know, I’ll just say they’re all fabulous! I think they’re fantastic, the lesbians in Texas. Good for them! Hurrah! Y’all come out and see me!”